I will
I will not revert
This, the beginning will begin
the whole new first days
of light
I am in control born
again
strong, no longer
(or still slightly)
in recovery
post traumatic
sex starved food starved wine coffee pills
work-crazed altitude sickness non-stop
doubt and words creaming coming non-stop

But now this stillness
I am cleaning the fridge
(the novel is written)
I have ordered new seal for the door
of the fridge
Sticky jars from last year stuck to the door
of the fridge
ghee
I will cook with ghee
again

The iPhone chimes incoming
from the Flight Centre
I will book our trip
New Zealand or Hong Kong
We will go away
I will not write I will not teach myself
to write again
I will lie by the pool (if Hong Kong)
I will hike (Queenstown)
not miss the kids
not miss my work

not feel cleaved
from everything that makes me real.

I will cook with ghee.